WTD: Sad White Christmas

For the first time in my life I am hating the snow with a passion. My first Christmas season away from Colorado and this huge blizzard is really screwing up my holiday cheer. I’m sitting at work in DC when I should be hitting up huge powder in Vail today. Only by an act of God was I able to do an emergency airport switch and I will hopefully be flying into Colorado Springs tomorrow morning. However there is a snowstorm in Minneapolis (lay over), and another storm is set to hit Denver tomorrow morning as well. It seems once an hour one of my friends hits me with the bad news that they are either stuck in Denver or their respective homes away from home. This may be the time I should reconcile with JC and start repenting or whatever needs to be done so I am not stuck in an airport alone on Christmas. Finger’s crossed that my next blog will be cheerful and written next year!

WTD: Fecal Pot Lucks

Nothing like walking into the break room to discover you lunch has somehow been added to the contractor’s potluck. As we all know most of the contractors don’t wash their hands after using the ladies, and now I come in to discover a serving spoon in my Tupperware. After removing the spoon (most likely covered in fecal matter) I start to heat up my dish only to see that the lady behind me has a big serving of my bow tie deliciousness. I can barely feed myself, and these people who make double my salary are eating my food. What the hell is going on?

WTD: Time Moving Backwards

I am pretty sure time had reversed itself. Wasn’t it just 5:15 and now it is only 4:30? How am I going to make it 6pm tonight considering I finished all the work I had to do today around noon? I’ve already procrastinated for the last 4.5 hours and I have to do it again for another 1.5? And they said Cartography was glamorous? I knew I should have been a foot model. Here is how I’m spending the last 1.5 hours of pure monotonous hell.
4:32- Go to the bathroom for the 6th time this afternoon because I have nothing better to do than drink water.
4:35 – Check my hotmail to see if the email I’ve been anticipating for the last 30 hours has come in the last 2 minutes. No dice.
4:36 – Type in some command line to make it look like I’m important.
4:39 – Have 20th panic attack about my current financial situation. Wonder if frozen ravioli is a bad xmas present for my brother-in-law. Maybe if I wrap it up really pretty…
4:46 – I am pretty sure my eyes are bleeding.
5:00 – Do I have a parasite? I’m always hungry… shit no it’s that I have no food to eat. A bowl of pasta a day just isn’t cutting it.
5:11 – Is the crazy person sitting next to me going to go postal? I mean she normally works a 4 hour day, and I think she is up to 5, but still billing for 8…. There is a lot of mumbling and slamming of office supplies…I’m going to the bathroom EFF THIS.
5:21 – Email?….Mother *&%*&# why is it when you are expecting an important email it never comes when you need it.
5:27 – CNN Headline “Lindsey Lohan Hasn’t had a Drink in a Week” Four words- This-Is-Fucking-News?
I Can't take it any more................

WTD: Face Stamps

WTD: Hand stamps
Nothing like walking into the office this morning to encounter only decaffeinated coffee. For the love of god I woke up with a hand stamp on my face this morning claiming I’m 21 and ready to drink. After scrubbing for 10 minutes the stamp is slightly less noticeable, but it still looks like someone beat me up a few weeks ago.
I saw Ray Lamontagne at the 9:30 club last night. You may ask were you seated second row center 10 feet from the stage at this seated show? Yes, yes I was. Although I came to see Ray I left claiming to see Tristian Prettyman the opening act. If you haven’t checked out her music I would recommend it highly. She is an amazing singer/songwriter will find a permanent spot in my 6 CD rotation, which will of course mean Sarah will begin to stalk me again. Damn.

WTD: Fish Ribs

As it has been almost week since my last post I thought I would just throw something up here to show I still haven't given up on becoming a blogger. As some of you know I'm in a bit of a financial crisis. Having to pay off this beautiful computer (damn you Dell and your no interest till January `07) and buying gifts, has set me off back into debt for the first time ever. Good bye social life, hello insane boredom at home alone. That in mind, I'm unable to spend money until January so I have decided to set the challenge of only eating what is in the house until my departure home for the holiday. This consists of 8 rice balls, 1 piece of lasagna, 14 ravioli, 1/2 box of pasta, 1 can of tuna, crotons, jalapenos, 4 taco shells, ketchup, mustard, Italian dressing, and a can of green chili. This will have to not only be for dinner, but lunch as well (breakfast was cut at the start of the month). I'll keep you posted as I wither into a Mary-Kate type frame.

WTD: Personal Hygiene

I can’t help but notice that this on going case of SARS that I seem to have can be accredited to one source – IBM contractor lady. Yes this disgusting woman believes it is ok to just exit the restroom with out washing her hands. What makes it all worse is that I seem to be on the same break schedule as her and end up in the bathroom at the same time. I know she uses toilet seat protectors…? I have to wonder if this is being done to protect herself from her own germ infested state of being. I also know she washes her dishes in the bathroom sink, even though there is a full size kitchen sink in the break room. Does this woman honestly believe her Tupperware should have more sterilization than her own hands? I do know she owes me for the gallon of Purel I’m about to purchase to maintain a Howard Hughes-esce greatness.

WTD: Hydrated & Hyper

It’s amazing how hydrated you can are when you haven’t had a sip of alcohol in 6 days. It’s 74 degrees in our Nation’s Capital and absolutely amazing so on today’s happenings.

1) After believing that I had rectified the ipod situation, I throw it on shuffle today and Fear comes on 3 times in a row with one entitled Track 8. The ipod was on SHUFFLE, how is the happening!! It is as if Sarah knows that I took her out of my 6 CD rotation in the car to put in Jagged Little Pill. Is it just me or is this so not Ironic?

2) Today is the first day since Friday I haven’t had a piece of pumpkin pie. I ate the last piece for dinner last night and feel as if I have lost a friend. I almost want to walk down to the Potomac as if it were the Ganges and put the pie pan in its final resting place.

3) Am I the only person in America that doesn’t know how to use a chat room? I mean come on, 8 year olds are chatting it up across the country. Sure it may be some creepy evangelistic leader from Colorado Springs talking to them but at least there is someone else in the room with them offering dialog. I tried going to one to see if I could get some blogging feedback and after entering 7 rooms no one was in there but me. Now I don’t just feel creepy for entering a chat room, I feel sad and alone and wanting to listen to Sara.........damn it she wins agian.

WTD: It’s hump day… oh wait it’s not kill me now.

Wait it is Wednesday, where did Tuesday go? At least the week is really almost over.
Let’s get into it. Here is the happenings of November 29, 2006.

1) You know your day is going to suck when both cups of coffee you have the taste of an aardvarks heal. At least I had pie for breakfast.

2) Is Pumpkin Pie actually good for you? I say yes and this is something I must believe because I ate an entire pie in 2 hours, the first half was gone in 20 min. Then I ate a second one in just a few days. It’s made of pumpkin and milk, that’s good for you. Never mind the sugar, it’s not like I’m diabetic, however I might be after eating all that pie.

3) I decided to take on the task of creating the greatest ipod ever along with 6 amazing play lists for what ever mood strikes you. WHAT WAS I THINKING? This is no task for someone with OCD to take on. I’m only on song 88 of 1,000 and that took me most of the day and I’ve questioned most of my decisions. Not to mention somehow every Sarah McLaughlin song somehow ended up on it 3 times. I can see where that may have happened with Adia. It’s early in the alphabet and I might have forgotten I put it there. But than Black & White, I don’t even know that song…and it’s on there 3 times!

4) I find an amazing B & B trip to give to my mom for Christmas, right price and great location. I get ready to book it and read in the small print “No Alcoholic Beverages.” Don’t people go to these things to relax? If drinking isn’t part of relaxing than I have substance abuse problem.

5) Highlight of the day was when the Navy called my co-worker for the 10th time. I signed her up for every branch of the military a few weeks back and she gets about 2 calls a day from recruiters. It is so wrong but so funny because she is against the war and is a bleeding liberal. You may ask what will you do to her next? She will be getting signed up to help out on the Republican campaign trail.

6) My phone rings from an unknown number and I immediately think it is my stalker and have a complete melt down. Turns out it is some Hispanic lady looking for Anna, I know this because she called me twice. Yes it is still the wrong number, did you just hit re-dial or was I not convincing enough the first time? I might sign her up for the military now.

Whats the Deal: Fatal Attraction

Where is the line drawn between a crush and psycho potential stalker killer? I have to ask as in recent weeks a pain in my ass from 6 years ago has decided to try and re-enter my life. I find it hard to believe, although cute and charming, I could have such an effect on someone that they are still obsessed with me after no contact of 6 years. Not only that, but the brief 3 month interaction with this little piece of crazy consisted of nothing but a short friendship followed by a solid month of me making it clear I had no intimate interest. What makes a person think that after having your screen name blocked 3 times, that you should continue creating other screen names and keep sending IM’s even without a response? Then to top it all off, scan in a photo of me from 7 years ago and put it up on your dating page eluding to me being your EX? Stalkers of the world please give me some insight on how these delusions are made possible? I’m not prepared to have a Lifetime movie created about me with Single White Female undertones.

Brooke Hogan Stop Ruining Lives....Please

How am I ever going to get back those 67 seconds of my life? I mean come on who in the hell writes a song about Low Rider Jeans and believe that it will be a hit? Are we in 7th Grade? Last time I checked you were the fortunate daughter of a spandex wearing 80's icon of the trailer park era. Maybe it is appropriate to write a song about a fashion trend that these days requires you to be knocked up and in a wife beater while picking up PBR can's around the trailer. However if she can make a song, what makes it impossible to produce a record? In fact I have some spare time this weekend to go down to Georgetown grab the homeless black man that stations himself by my hair salon and that honestly believes himself to be be power lesbian. Then while he sings vocals, I'll play a rhythm on my Casio and ask the man from Boulder that is a mix between Jesus and Merlin and talks into a battery less walkie talkie to accompany me on the triangle. This trio I have created will probably pull down more Itunes hits than KFed on a drunk Friday Night. Does Jamie Lynn Spears have record label yet?